• Once I get the promotion, I’ll feel confident.

• Once we raise funds for the company, I’ll stop feeling anxious.

• Once I get this award, I’ll feel legitimate.

Well, you won’t.

You’ll get a burst of confidence, legitimacy, peacefulness, but it won’t stay. External circumstances will catch up, and bring back whatever you’re struggling with.

So, how do we feel how we want to feel, without relying on the things we think will make us feel how we want to feel? (breath here)

The idea behind mental fitness

You can’t trust external

External situations change and can’t be controlled, if your mindset relies mainly on external events, you’ll go through these variations. And to be honest, most of us do.

I’m not saying your external circumstances should never impact your mindset, of course, it plays a role, but there’s a balance to find. It should inform certain things, not send you down rabbit holes.

There’s no such thing as a destination

You’ve likely experienced it. The disappointment of reaching a goal, but not the mindset results you not-so-secretly associated with it. Getting the promotion, without the huge confidence boost you anticipated, for instance. 

When you get the promotion you feel more confident, about your previous role. Your new one comes with new challenges, and if you struggle with self-confidence, well, it keeps happening with every milestone.

You don’t get to a way of being, you nurture it

You don’t go to the gym once and consider yourself fit. You don’t eat one salad and consider yourself healthy. You don’t meet someone and immediately consider them your best friend. You create a habit, that allows you to be fit, or healthy (hopefully both), you invest and nurture a relationship that leads to a strong friendship.

Do the same with your mind: be mentally fit.

How?

Approach it like being physically fit.

Just like when you hit the gym for the first time in a while, or choose a new type of workout, it can feel a bit painful, and confusing. (This is where support makes sense, hi!).

As you learn to navigate the new gym (and pain), as you see rewards, it gets easier, more fun and you can slightly increase the level of challenge.

Same with your mind. The system:

1. Decide on a goal (a realistic one please!)

2. Make it your focus

3. Develop new habits and thinking patterns. Get rid of the ones that don’t serve you (‘I’m not good enough’ to name one)

4. Maintain these habits and develop them further, adjust (nurture)

5. Add new goal (whilst keeping the previous habits, and thinking patterns)

6. Repeat

It’s a never-ending process, there’s a million ways to go about it, and the great news is you don’t have to get to a perfect destination (remember, perfect does not exist).

There’s relief in knowing you don’t have to get to a point where you’re 100% confident. You simply need to get to a point where, when in a challenging place, your imposter syndrome softly whispers and you can handle it (vs you know, constant loud chatter).

My advice to you: start with the obvious thing that’s in your way, and always be kind to yourself.

One question for you

What’s one mindset goal you want to focus on?

One nudge for you

For the next month, make it your focus, and develop habits and thinking patterns that serve this goal. Basically, create a training program for yourself.

Not sure how? Here’s a personal example.

1. Set goal: my focus for the last 4 weeks has been on developing a more peaceful mindset.

2. Make it your focus: asked myself as much as I can “Is this action serving my peacefulness?”

3. Habit and thinking patterns: weekly yoga and meditation were in, doom scrolling was out. Valuing my way of thinking was in, prioritizing what others thought was out.

4. Maintain these habits and develop them further (nurture): I had to adjust, increase the amount of yoga, decrease furthermore phone time, watch my thoughts when I was placing more value on what others thought, etc. Added journaling.

5. Add new goal: well, I’ll tell you more about it in another edition, I’m still nurturing a peaceful mind.

I’m not always peaceful, but my sense of peace has increased by at least 75%.

External, or internal circumstances may send me back down a rabbit hole, and influence my sense of peace, but now, I know that to get back, I simply need to nurture a set of habits and watch out for certain thinking patterns.

Not sure which thinking patterns and habits to work on? Email me your goal and plan, and I’d be happy to help (I mean it, email me!).

Thank you for reading,

Orianne

PS: It’s Woman's Day, and whilst, I have mixed feelings about the way it can be utilized marketing-wise, awareness matters.

Happy Women's Day to all, and maybe some questions for you:

• Am I empowering the women around me?

• Is there a way I could do it more?

• Where am I unconsciously perpetuating bias?

A huge thank you to the women around me who inspire me, empower me, hype me up, encourage me to celebrate, listen to my doubts, share stories, say my name in rooms, tell me to increase my prices, lead the way… the list goes on. You know who you are, I appreciate you, I love you.