The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

This week I was faced with a problem I could not solve. I knew what I wanted, but the way forward was far from clear, any solutions I came up with were messy.

I took my own advice, one I have given to many coachees, and decided to pause the decision-making process until Friday.

It’s counterintuitive as a fixer to let a problem marinate in a corner of your mind, I’d even say it’s uncomfortable. The not knowing, the lack of action, creates inner tension and highlights our relationships to uncertainty and control.

Staying in that discomfort though is one of the best leadership moves one can make.

The day after I made my decision to pause, I received news that completely changed my approach to the problem. I was missing information, and pausing allowed me time to get that information and avoided having to rebuild a solution.

On any level, be it in the middle of a heated conversation, or when making strategic decisions pausing is a powerful tool.

Let’s talk about how you can start using it more.

Reading time: 3min.

One reminder for you

Pausing can feel awkward and uncomfortable, it can also feel like a waste of time.

The secret to reducing the discomfort is to consciously choose a time when you’ll go back to the problem. When you do this, two things happen:

• Your mind can relax: you basically told your mind you’re not ignoring the problem, it will be taken care of at that date, meaning you can stop worrying about it until then. Leaving room for other things.

• Your mind works in the background: whilst you consciously focus on other things, your mind has registered the problem you’ll solve in the future and is collecting information as you go. Making problem-solving easier on the said date.

A relaxed, aware mind is how you produce ‘random’ good ideas (you know the solution that popped into your head in the middle of a workout or in the shower). They’re not random, your brain simply had a quiet, relaxed setup and time to work on it in the background.

A relaxed, aware mind is also how you can lead from a place of calm, and be the eye of the storm when your team needs it.

Two nudges for your

Practice pausing to get comfortable with how it feels, and observe how beneficial it is. This will teach your mind, that not only is pausing safe, it’s actually a super practice.

The benefits of pausing are most visible in the midst of a crisis. Your ability to remain calm, and step out in a heated conversation, or at a critical time of decision will set you apart and make you efficient in how you deal with situations.

You’ve got to learn in the quiet, make it a habit, so it becomes second nature to pause and reflect in a storm.

Start with conversations

Active listeners pause often. They let their interlocutors process their thoughts and express them.

Pausing in conversations can be awkward. Most people are not comfortable with silence, so they’ll try to fill the gap. If you pause for long enough, they’ll go deeper and share more. It also leaves space for the conversation to take a turn you may not have expected.

Practice it

• Next time you talk to someone you care about, pause after asking how they are doing. This will allow them to go beyond the classic ‘I’m good’.

• In your next team meeting, practice asking team members for their opinion, without jumping on what they say. Leave room for them to unfold their line of thinking and ideas. Leave room for other team members to react without you giving your opinion.

Delay decision making

Obviously, if you have to decide on the spot do it. But, if things feel unclear, and you have time, pause for a while. Ask yourself:

• What information am I missing?

• What is still unclear about this situation?

• How do I feel? (often restless, on a loop in fixing mode)

• Can I postpone decision-making, until when?

Then, until said time of decision, commit to observing only. Don’t hyper-fixate on finding the solution.

Hyperfixation is often what gets in the way, we create this mind scribble and struggle to step out of it. Pausing helps undoing the knots, by taking an observing stance.

Whenever ideas or new information come in, stay away from fixing mode, simply observe the solution unfolding before you. Eventually, the solution will be so obvious, it’ll be a no-brainer.

I appreciate you for reading!

Orianne

PS: if you want to make the most of Q4 and are curious about how coaching can help, book a clarity call. 

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.