You’re not stuck, you’re missing key data from your mind.

The situation: you feel kinda stuck. You know some patterns are holding you back, but you can’t see them fully. It’s hard to address something you don’t see, I’ll give you that.

An example: you don’t trust yourself enough, so you waste a lot of time pondering on things, which leads to missing opportunities or just a huge waste of energy. “Had I trusted myself, this would have happened way sooner, I’d already be into my next steps, etc.”.  

For the next two weeks, let’s dive into our patterns and how to step out of them (aka rewire our minds). There’s a lot to digest, so let’s take our time and do it over two weeks.

I appreciate your for reading, happy easter!

Orianne

PS: Unrelated life hack. My favorite day of the year is the day after Easter, it’s usually nice weather but most importantly, all chocolates are on sale… Just sayin!

Pat-what?

Patterns are a wiring of the mind. A set of consistent behaviors, thoughts, and emotions that influence your action in a given situation.

Think of it like an IFS formula on sheets. If A, and B occur, then your mind is wired to give a certain result (react with certain thoughts, emotions, and behaviors).

It’s unconscious, and even when you become aware of it, there’s part of the pattern you don’t always notice.

If there’s a closet door in your apartment you never open, chances are, you know it’s here, but you barely notice it anymore, unless someone asks what’s behind it. And you likely forgot most of what’s in there.

Patterns are the same. Ways of working in our mind we’re so used to, we don’t even pay attention to them.

Rewiring your mind as a general direction sounds like a lot. So an approach is to look at one pattern at a time. They’re your tell sign of what you need to improve on.

One Framework for you

Now you understand what we’re looking for. Let’s start with one small pattern, that’s obvious. Or well, let’s start by making it obvious.

Step 1 - Awareness - Future you vs now you: where’s the gap?

Side note: the gap is mainly in your head.

Couple of examples (from clients, mentees, or my own thoughts in no particular order):

1. When I am an expert, I’ll start a newsletter (don’t know who said that, and now thinks she could have started much earlier, had she not been in her own way)

2. Once I grow my business, I’ll be able to plan and manage my time better

3. When I get the new role, I’ll say no to extra work

These types of hypothetical destinations, relying on a blurry, vague, vast improvement are your tell sign to use this framework.

• I want to …. but I can’t

• I need to … before i can …

• When I am …, I’ll be / do …

• Once I feel like …, I’ll do …

Right there, you have a block you’re likely creating on your own. Behind these blocks, there’s a pattern (a bunch of emotions, thoughts, behaviors that lead you to wait, not take action, or sabotage).

Identify the pattern and the energy (and likely fear) behind it.

Step 2 - Identify the payout - what benefit are you getting from staying that way?

There’s a purpose to keeping the door closed. It’s likely messy in there, lots of unprocessed feelings and thoughts.

What’s your payout for staying stuck the way you are? This is a tough conversation to have with yourself. One approach is to journal about it.

Be curious about the patterns and the payout, and always be kind to yourself. Calling yourself an idiot for a wiring you are barely aware of is not helpful.

Questions you can ask:

• When do I default to this pattern?

• What could be other ways of reacting? (how do you imagine the future you would react?)

• If I did react differently, I’m afraid _________, people would think ______ , I would have to _______

• What benefit am I getting from reacting that way?
  (ie. by not pursuing big ideas, I stay safe, far away from people's judgement, by not saying no, people still like me)

• What feeling am I avoiding?

• Am I actually avoiding it?

Step 3 - Become aware of the hidden cost

Financial coaches will make you list the silly insignificant expenses (weekly takeaway, daily latte…). Sum them, multiply them by 52, and apply compound interest to make you realize how much it actually costs you.

Once you do this exercise, you don’t ever buy a latte in the same way: you become aware of how automatic it had become to buy a latte (the pattern), and you are now aware the price you pay is higher than you thought (hidden cost).

You’re then left with a choice, you simply have more awareness and data to educate your decision.

We’ve identified a pattern, its payout, now you have to identify the hidden costs. What price are you paying for it, if you really look?

Using example one, dismissing our own ideas has a huge cost:
- Longer action time, as you need to convince yourself to adopt your ideas
- Negative self-talk associated with it (you’re not an expert enough, no one cares, to name the kinder ones)
- reduced self-confidence since getting in the habit of not doing the thing we want to do
- and the list goes on.

Notice and list all of your hidden costs, as they come up.

One nudge for you

For the coming weeks, pay attention to every time you fall into your identified pattern.

Simply being aware of it existence, is going to help you identify it more and more often (if I tell you to look for a red car, you’re going to notice more and more red cars around you).

Every time, pause for a moment, observe the automation, the payout and the hidden cost associated with it.

Now, here’s the fun part: these patterns likely apply to many other domains in your life, only on a smaller or bigger scale.

When we struggle to say no, it does not only apply to our work. We end up eating Chinese when really we wanted Italian for instance. Observe these smaller and bigger instances.

I’ll say it one last time, as you become aware of your wiring, be kind to yourself, calling yourself an idiot is not helpful.

What’s next? Well, we’ll dive into it next week!

Happy mind patterns discovering!

As more and more over thinkers join this newsletter community (thank you!), I figured it would make sense to tell you more about me.

What can I tell you?

I’m Orianne, mindset and leadership coach. I coach brilliant humans who perform very well, but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their mind). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach and always read two books at the same time (currently The Celestine prophecy and Naval Ravikant).

Please if you’re new here, feel free to say hi back with three random facts about you!