The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

Guys, some compliments strike more than others. They make us feel seen.

This week, I received a review on GrowthMentor (a platform where I offer mentoring) that touched me.

The mentee highlighted my ability to ask surgical questions.

I felt seen.

See, I am the fixer-type. I used to work in ops, where my biggest strength was my ability to oversee a problem and fix it. It’s a pretty useful skill as a business owner.

As I learned to coach, leaning into the power of good questions was quite a journey. I had to practice switching between fixing and exploring mode depending on the situation.

You need problem-solving skills to run a business no questions here. But fixers tend to think they know the answer, limiting them.

Your ability to ask good questions opens up new possibilities when it comes to fixing a problem, but also, and mostly deepens relationships, understanding, and perspectives.

It basically 10x your leadership skills and it’s easy to implement, so why

This week, let’s talk about asking the right questions.

Orianne

Reading time: 4min.

The power of good questions

Why you want to learn to ask better questions

Good questions lead to good conversations. Good conversations build stronger relationships, bring new perspectives, and hence, unexpected solutions.

Think of it this way, we all experience life through our own glasses. Each of us has a unique color shade and correction based on our upbringing, experience, and personality traits.

This is how sometimes two people involved in a situation don’t see the same thing. This is why there is no such thing as ‘common sense’.

When you have good conversations, led by good questions, it’s like exchanging sunglasses with different shades at sunset.

You suddenly experience a different scenery, the new glasses may allow you to notice things you hadn’t seen and to let go of things you thought were important, but actually aren’t.

When you put your glasses back on, the way you experience the view is enriched. The other glasses brought awareness of previously unnoticed elements you now look at through your lens.

Sometimes, switching glasses helps you realize how blurry things had been too.

Through good questions, you invite more clarity and new insights.

It improves your leadership, but also your friendship, networking, and most recently, your AI prompts.

Fixer hat, out, explorer hat, on

The energy you want behind your questions: Genuine curiosity.

Let go of the know-it-all energy.

Consciously or not, leaders often use questions to direct the answers they want or think they know.

It’s a habit learned from childhood.

Directing questions is a strategic parental tool.

“You want the strawberry yogurt or the apple?”

Because “What are you in the mood for?” would likely result in candies for dessert.

As adults we sophisticated it but the strategy is the same.

We limit potential answers or assume we know what the answer will be. It’s a fixer mentality.

If you want to improve the quality of your exchange and your problem-solving, you want to ask better questions. To ask a better question, you have to switch mentality.

It’s you vs you.

Be willing to not know and to challenge what you think you know.

How?

1 - Be intentional
When starting a conversation, be aware and set a clear intention. You’re an explorer, you know which port you’re departing, but you don’t know what the scenery will look like when you arrive, or where you’ll arrive.

2 - Ask open-ended questions
Yes or no, and option-based questions should not be used much. You want to ask open questions where the person's line of thinking directs the conversation, not yours.

3 - Watch your thoughts
Projecting a destination is a natural instinct, it feels safe. Train your mind, to be comfortable with not knowing the answer.
If you ask a question with the answer already in your mind, you’ll likely won’t even listen to the full answer, just the part that validates what you assumed.

Question your question. Have you directed for a specific answer? Ask a different question, or reformulate it to invite more ideas in.

3 - Go deeper
Challenge what the person is saying. Not for the sake of challenging, but to get a better understanding.

Watch for queues to go deeper. It can be body language, two slightly contradicting statements, something the person seems to assume or be sure of and could be challenged, or something that surprises you, does not match your logic.

Rephrase what they say to ask deeper questions, always leading with curiosity.

A list of questions for you

Ok, this is endless, but here are 5 of my favorite go-to questions framework:

• Asking for the motivation behind an action or idea: To what end, What motivated you to?, Why is this important for you?, Where do you want to be in 5 years?

• Mirroring what they say: If I summarise, you think […], did I get it right?, So, in your opinion, […]?, It’s interesting you said […], but also […], I am curious what’s the friction here?

• Inviting new perspective: Have you faced this situation with a similar or different context? Who else experiences this? If you put yourself in […] shoes, what do you think is at play for them? Where else do you see similar situations / dynamics? What’s an option you have not considered yet?

• Opening to any direction: What’s top of mind for you right now? What’s one random thing that happened / somebody said that stuck with you? What are some good things that happened to you recently? How is life at the moment? (living a silence after the usual ‘good’ answer).

• Challenging ‘certainties’: Is this true? Says who? What makes you believe this? Is there a world where this is different?

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently a French novel, and Sell like Crazy from Sabri Suby).

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.