The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.

France is having a snap election this Sunday, and my people love a good debate. Diner with debate inspired this edition.

Sometimes, disagreeing in debates turns into an argument. The same happens in business.

I see co-founders or leaders struggling to solve problems, not because they don’t see eye to eye on the solution, but because they don’t know how to disagree productively.

So this week, let’s talk disagreement!

Reading time: 3min.

You can disagree, and do it well

Thank god, we don’t all have the same vision. How boring would life be if we all thought in the same way?

Tip #1 - Disagreeing is healthy

We have to reframe disagreement. We usually see it as a fight: my idea (my worth) vs them.

In reality, it’s an opportunity to learn, to challenge your ideas, to fine-tune your communication… It’s an opportunity for growth.

If both parties care about finding the solution, then it’s us vs the problem. Bring that energy into any disagreement, and it will dissolve (don’t forget to clarify the problem).

Tip #2 - Get in a “prove me wrong” mindset

Not “let me prove you wrong”.

Lead with curiosity. Instead of focusing on proving your point, get curious about the flaws of your idea. Why is the person disagreeing with you? What are they seeing that you are not seeing? What’s their perspective? Why are they not convinced?

This means active listening — no thinking about your argument whilst the other person is talking, sorry!

Tip #3 - Keep emotions at the door

A video of Pharell went viral this week, where he talks about not taking things personally.

"Don’t take it personal […] none of this shit is worth you ever being emotional. All it’s ever gonna do is alter your decision-making, slow you down, eat up unnecessary bandwidth that could be contributing to your momentum. Don’t take it personal. Take note, take it serious, and take care of it.”

Emotions should always be processed, so if you are feeling emotional, walk away, take a breather, and come back to the conversation with a quieter mind.

Bringing emotion into a disagreement, will impact your clarity, and likely trigger an emotional response in your interlocutor.

Tip #4 - Be a good human

I know you’re a good human, but sometimes in a disagreement, we can get a bit judgemental, we can let emotion say things we don’t mean or talk over the other person…

Be disciplined with your behavior. Set clear boundaries if your interlocutors’ behavior is not respectful.

Not feeling respected or heard is the reason why so many disagreements go sour.

Tip #5 - Choose your battle, trust and move on

Now this is trickier in business. If the scenario allows it, each one solves the problem their way, and we’re fine.

Most of the time though, you’re disagreeing because a common decision must be made. Do it intelligently, focus on solving the problem, not on being right.

Choose your battle. Decide if it’s worth pushing your idea, if it makes a real difference, or if you are better off letting that one go.

Trust their intention, trust their competencies.

If you’re working in a team, you must trust each other. Following another person's gut feeling, or vision despite disagreeing sometimes is the way forward. Other times you ask others to lean on your vision over their ideas.

Trust each other, make a decision, and move on.

Meaning soon enough, I should write about how to build trust. But that’s for another Friday.

As always, thank you for reading,

Orianne

If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I am a mindset coach. I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you’re ready for coaching you can book an intro call.