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Dealing with office politics when you don't want to
Rise above ain't gonna cut it
Orianne Gambino
September 27, 2024
The Simple Mind is a newsletter to help you reduce overthinking and boost self-confidence.
Many clients I work with, usually impact-driven personality types, struggle with office politics. It’s a tough game to play. You can’t ignore it’s happening and just rise above, you can’t engage in it either, or else it leaves you drained.
So what can you do?
Reading time: 3min.
The basics
What is office politics?
Informal, and often behind-the-scenes, actions taken within an organization to gain advantage, influence decisions, or achieve personal goals, sometimes at the expense of others.
Pain associated with it:
Inauthenticity
Frustration, misalignment with value
A feeling of unfairness,
Anxiety from dealing with social dynamics
Distrust in people and organization…
3 tips to deal with office politics
What not to do: resist and try to change the culture as a whole
What to do instead: lead by example by not getting pulled into the game, try to make changes at your level, not a company level.
I know I repeat this often, but it’s great advice: start small.
Trying to change an entire, already-established company’s culture is like trying to eat an elephant at once. You want to go one bite at a time.
Where do you actually have influence?
How you show up and act
How you respond
How you treat other people and let them treat you
You cannot elicit a change in people’s behavior if they don’t want to. This is likely what’s causing your biggest frustration. There is a gap between the reality of how people around you act, and how you’d want things to be.
So first, you want to accept you cannot change the company, or certain coworker’s ways of acting.
You can only focus on you.
How you act may influence how other co-workers act. May is a keyword here, if you expect change, you’ll keep feeling frustrated.
Watch your ego - work with your frustration
Become aware of what office games are triggering for you.
Most tension comes from watching office politics happen not because of people’s behavior but because of how it makes you feel, and potentially act.
Dive in your frustration. These questions can help:
Are these frustrations temporary or systemic?
Which of your values is being challenged by this situation?
What role are you playing in office politics?
In what way are office politics impacting your actions and behavior?
What elements outside of your control are you not accepting and putting too much attention on?
Do you feel like you are ‘better’ than the ones playing office politics? Why?
What do the ones playing office politics have that you don’t?
When we consider other people misbehaving (ie. they play office politics and it’s bad), we tend to blame them and place ourselves ‘above’ the situation.
Office politics may have bad press, but really it’s a social game requiring social skills, an ability to connect and communicate. The game in itself is not that bad, it’s certain players’ behavior and how you react to it that bothers you.
Bringing awareness clarifies what your frustration is showing you, and helps you adjust your behavior accordingly.
Focus on impact, make your own game
Sometimes we get dragged into other people’s games, despite not wanting to play, which leads to more frustration. Or we refuse to play, leaving us isolated, which leads to… frustration too.
Get back in the driver’s seat. Reframe the politic game, create your own social game.
How do you want to show up socially with coworkers?
Which social skills could you improve on?
What type of relationships do you want to build with your coworkers?
Who do you want to / need to build a genuine relationship with?
What’s a good way for you to strengthen these connections?What’s your mission as an employee? What do you want to be known for, how do you want to help and connect?
Where are your boundaries regarding your behavior and other people's behavior?
What small steps can you take now to act in a way that aligns with your own game?
Take them.
Shift the focus back to your goals and the associated action you can take. Don’t ignore the game, keep a pulse on what’s going on. Use these guiding rules to deal with office politics:
Be aware, not involved: observe
Build genuine relationships
Set clear boundaries
I know dealing with office politics can be a lot, especially in a demanding, fast-paced environment, if you’re going through that, I am with you.
I do want to highlight, when the gap between the company’s culture (the general way people behave in the company) and your value is too big, your mounting frustration may signal it’s time for a change.
If you struggle with office politics and want help I’d be happy to support you.
As always, thank you for reading,
Orianne
If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.
A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time (currently Wanna Know a secret? from Freida McFadden — I can’t put her books down, and La Resilience des Samouraï by Robert Mercier).
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